I had a weird dream sometime last week.
I dreamed I was outside myself looking inside myself, and inside me was an infinite void.
To be more accurate, I was the infinite void which was more empty than nothing.
I guess that's what you get when you meditate about the nature of emptiness before you sleep :p
What is emptiness? Buddhists posit that we must meditate on the nature of emptiness for we are emptiness. But I never could get my mind around that part, so maybe my subconscious mind came up with its answer.
It wasn't a scary dream mind you. It was just the kind of dream that lingered with you days after, weeks after, always at the back of your mind. I don't even find myself asking what the dream meant, it just was.
But its the kind of dream that makes you ask the perennial question: "What am I?"
Is there even an I?
Am I nothing but a byproduct of memories and conditioned responses? Am I but a program necessary only for interfacing with other human programs? Am I illusion?
I lost my self in infinite dreams but crashed back to earth with a vengeance when I blinked.
This blog has undergone several incarnations. First, it was a blog about my philosophical meanderings. Then it became a meditation site. Now its simply my li'l venting corner in cyberspace. Next time, who knows -- maybe an anime review site? *shrug*
Ey but at least I kept the title: "Decantations". I like the way the word sounds. Maybe it sounds a bit pretentious considering its just one of the myriad venting blogsites out there, but I'll stick with it for now.
So what's my vent for the day?
I've been getting lazy recently. In fact, I woke up at 10 a.m. today! Well yeah, the last few weeks was kinda hectic, with me scurrying like a mad hatter vacillating between managing our new business, doing the occasional legal work, plus doing some real estate brokering on the side. But, my energy seems just inexplicably down.
Am I depressed?
Well, let's take my life into stock: Finances -- kinda stable; Career -- I have several!; Health: Finally getting into the gym thing; Love life -- Zero.
I'll be turning 32 this year and I still have to commit myself into a relationship! Who knew it would be this hard to find a decent guy, go out on dates and get married? I'm even ready to have K I D S!
The problem is me. I prefer playing video games, researching cases, chatting in the internet, and sweating it out at the gym to going out at night. I guess I'm so firmly ensconced in my comfort zone of single bliss that I can't muster up the enthusiasm to chat up a guy for small talk. Even in the net I chat about subjects like politics, theology, philosophy and tech stuff. Tsk, tsk, tsk. At this rate I'll end up an old maid for sure! T_T
So I've decided to shape up my bod and personal life so I can reel in a hubby before my biological clock rings the alarm! No more raeding up on theosophy and quantum physics. From now on its Women and Vogue! Goodbye vid games, ragnarok and PSP! *sob* Time for some hot sizzling dating games? o.0;
